Funny Church Signs
1. There was a church that had problems with outsiders parking in its parking lots, so they put up a sign:
CHURCH CAR PARK - FOR MEMBERS ONLY,TRESPASSERS WILL BE BAPTIZED!
That took care of the problem!
2. "No God - No Peace? Know God - Know Peace."
3. "Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!"
4. "Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins."
5. "Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!"
6. An ad for one Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads: "For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets."
7. When the restaurant next to another Church put out a sign with big red letters that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."
8. "People are like tea bags - you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are."
9. "Fight truth decay - study the Bible daily."
10. "How will you spend eternity - Smoking or Non-smoking?"
11. "Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives"
12. "Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world."
13. "It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin."
14. "Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church."
15. "If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns."
16. "If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again."
17. "Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon."
18. "This is a ch_ _ ch. What is missing?" ----- (U R)
19. "In the dark? Follow the Son."
20. "Running low on faith? Step in for a fill-up."
21. "If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd."
Forgiveness
The preacher, in his Sunday sermon,
used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject.
After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies.
About half held up their hands.
Not satisfied, he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his question.. This time he received a response of eighty percent.
Still unsatisfied, he lectured for fifteen minutes and repeated his question.
With thoughts of Sunday dinner, all responded except one old gentleman in the rear.
Mr. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any."
"Mr. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Eighty-six."
"Mr. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how
a man can live to be 86 and not have an enemy in the world."
The old man teetered down the aisle and slowly turned around.
"It's easy. I outlived all of them...."
